#BlackLivesMatter

Dear George Floyd!

I'm sorry we've met in this manner,
As I write this,
My heart is filled with inexpressible pain and sorrow,
It's unfortunate that the world has gotten to know you in a way that no human deserves to be known
At the point of your untimely death.

I can tell you were a fighter,
I've watched you fight to live under the knees of an officer,
They had your hands down, you still fought with your voice
And I can't breath is the statement you said more than once...

Were they listening?
Were they thinking about your pain?
Could they feel the groan in your voice?
Do they have brothers, sons and fathers?
I wonder,
Do they even have a heart?

It didn't have to end like this,
But it has,
Does it have to take another black life for us to realize that we are first humans before we are coloured?

I can't imagine what's going on in the hearts and minds of your family and friends.
No one deserves to see a loved one die in this manner.
You've died a fighter, fighting for your very life.

Your death is an awakening for us to start living as humans, coloured or not
For us to value life more
For governments to deal with their citizens in a respectful way
For policies to change
For love to be our uniting factor
And if tired is what we have been waiting for,
Watching you die has moved us beyond tired of racism
Something has to change!

My prayers goes out to everyone affected in one way or another by this evil #racism!
My deepest condolences to the family and friends!
I'm praying for you!

Heart felt,
Winnie Doxa.
_
Rest In Power! 

From the collection #BrokenPieces!

Dear Future Husbae

#DearFutureHusbae

I've been thinking about you a lot lately,
I don't know whether it's cause of the quarantine...lol!
Or it's cause of the pressure of seeing images all over my social media of couples...
Or it cause most of my friends are all married...
Or it's cause of all the voices that tell me, why am I still single?
Or it's cause I really wish we were together by now...
Mmh!
*sighs*

If you'd have asked me,
I would have married you 6 years ago,
Yeah, you heard me right...
But looking back, I'm glad I didn't cause it probably would have ended up being a regret ever after,
I was so full of myself,
I thought it was your job to make me happy
To determine my worth, to make me feel like a queen...
Clearly, I put you on a pedestal...

I'm glad I was first introduced to Him (Christ)
Before we meet,
I'm glad He's jealous love for me kept us from meeting,
I won't lie to you, I didn't trip, I did, a number of times, trying to find you in men who didn't know what it's like to treat a King's child.
My heart got broken,
As many times as I tried to find you in them.
Quite honestly, I'm glad it was,
Cause more than ever, I've now gotten really tire of being tired, like for real...
Honey, you are so worth the wait!
And I will wait for you, if it takes all my life...
I remember, I prayed for you
And I still do.

Dear Husbae,
You're probably thinking that I'm so perfect right now,
I'm not, I still fall short, in many ways,
But I'm willing to become better everyday as I submit myself to Christ first,
I'm willing to learn your silent language and memorize it like my birthday date.
I'm willing to uphold you in absolute love and purity until we say, I do!
I'm willing to stay,
To be your ride or die,
To communicate my fears, dreams and everything in between
I'm willing to be yours, not just by name but with all that I am.

I wonder though,
Are you ready for me?
Will you be still asleep like Adam awaiting a heavenly awakening?
Will you be able to read beyond my smiles and silence,
Will you be willing to uphold  me in absolute love and purity in our becoming process...
Will you be able to resist this fleeting beauty and devote yourself to learning the rhythm of my heart?
The rhythm of Christ's heart towards me?
Will you be willing to die to your deep passions for me, daily, that Christ may be glorified through us?
Will you be willing to fight for our our love, as if it's the best love story ever told?
Will you be willing to keep pursuing me even after we say, I do?
Will you be willing to love me daily like Christ loves His church?
Will you be willing to listen to my crazy stories and laugh with me?
Will you be willing to share your deepest thoughts with me,
Confident that you'll find  refuge in my heart.

Man!
I've been thinking about you alot lately,
I wonder if you have,
One thing I'm sure about,
You are worth the wait!
And, I will wait for you!

Thinking about you!

Signed,

Winnie Doxa.

From the collection #HeartToHeart!

#GoodWoman

Let's Start Over Again!

#NewBeginning!

I want to call you X,
But honestly,
I never saw you as one,
Our friendship was unique,
Our attraction was electrifying
And our love, binding.
Or so, I thought.

Even after we broke up,
Part of me, carried you everywhere I went,
I compared the men I had with you,
Because deep inside I wished I was still with you
None of those relationships worked,
Maybe mostly because I never fully allowed my heart to let go of you

I was foolish,
Everyday I wished you could come back
I hoped you could call me back
Maybe I overrated the love you had for me
Maybe I believed the lie that no man would love me like you did
Maybe I was too afraid to trust God with this part of me,
My heart.

So, today,
After almost two decades of knowing you,
I've finally gathered the courage to call you my X
I've finally decided to give this heart back to the one who gave it to me,
God!
Atleast I know He can stop the world just to prove that He loves me,
Something I wish you did, but maybe you didn't love me enough to dare to try.

Dear X,
Thank you for the lessons you taught me.
Thank you for showing me how long suffering I can be.
Thank you for challenging me to believe God for better beyond what you could ever become.
Thank you for creating fears that translated to bold moves
Thank you for helping me find me.
I would love to carry you with me,
But I can't,
Because more than I want to remain safe.
I got to grow.
It's finally, truly, over!

Signed,

Winnie Doxa.

Song playing #WeDance by #BethelMusic 🥰

#Covered

   It Covers Me!

Hi God,

How are you doing?

Well,
I bet you are fine,
I mean, you are God.
Right!

So,
Alot has been happening lately,
Ok, let me go way back.
I was a good Christian, at least I thought so
I worked deligently,
I honored those in authority,
I paid my tithes and offering
I helped the needy,
I went to church,
I was involved in service
And occasionally I prayed and studied my Bible.

God speaking, (claps)
Winnie,
I'm fine thank you,
Tell me more about you,
Cleary you must have been a classic Christian
You were so self approved,
For you it was just about the routine, right?
Meeting the deadline,
Showing up when it favored your image
Giving when it was convenient for you
And serving, because you thought that I needed it...mmh!
I don't!

Winnie
OK,
Wait,
Are you saying all that didn't count?
Are you saying, I'm not a classic Christian?
Come on Dad,
I can't be that bad.
I'm born again, I gave my life to You way back when I was a child.
And if you ask me, I think I've tried to stick to the narrow path...
Anyway, all that is besides the point.

Lately,
Things have been so difficult,
My movements restricted,
I lost my job,
Schools closed, so I'm back to the drawing board,
The bills are calling,
No more church to serve you from
The atmosphere is sorrounded by fear
And to be more honest,
I've been having some serious introspection...

God
Tell me about it...

Winnie
It's about your blood,
I've realized how it has been covering me all through,
I remember the countless times you were leading me but I turned away,
The times I chose my will over yours,
Yet you took me through,
The times I hurt the very people you call your children,
The times I lied,
The times I was prideful and selfish,
Yet, Your blood still covered me,
Yet, You still kept me,
You sustained me,
You remained faithful even when I cheated on You.
I'm sorry...
Please let's start all over again!

And,
I think I know why You did all that...
It's because of the blood,
It covers me,
It covered all my sins, failures and short comings,
It covered my foolishness,
It covered my arrogance,
It covered my fears,
It covered my mistakes,
It covered my waywardness,
And everything in between.
These are tough times for me God, for us, really...
But please keep me ( us) reminded that the blood that Jesus shed on the cross covered me (us) then,
And it shall continue to cover me (us), even now!

And no matter what happens tomorrow ,
May I rest in the confidence that it was finished!
That the old is gone and the new has come,
But when I don't, please remind me that I'm still covered!

God
I've heard you my dear,
Do not fear!

Signed,
Winnie Doxa.

#FindingGrace!
#KeepingHopeAlive!
#HappyEaster2020!
#HeTakesUsThrough!

Photo courtesy of @EutychusFortunate 

What If...

By now, we all are aware God is trying to communicate something.
Or maybe you are too self absorbed to think that it's just another challenge, you'll figure it out...mmh!

But,
what if,
What if like the Israelites in the wilderness this goes on and on until we embrace obedience...

What if like Sodom and Gomorrah it's a time to turn away from our wicked ways...

What if like Cain it's a time to offer our best in  worship...

What if like Eve it's a time to think through the  choices we've made and live with the consequences...

What if like Sarah it's a time to hope against hope that God's promise for our lives will come to pass and avoid the temptation to do it our way...

What if like Esther it's a time to rise up as leaders, get on our knees, dare to face our fears for the sake of our nation and our loved ones...

What if like Hannah this is a time to desperately petition for what our hearts deeply desire...

What if like Moses this is our burning bush experience, a time to say yes to God or to turn away from His will...

What if like Pontius Pilate this is a time to realize that we are not in a power struggle and give up the fight...

What if like Nebuchadnezzar this is an opportunity to repent from abuse of power and authority God has given us and get our act right...

What if like Joshua this is a time to gather all  strength and courage for our next assignment...

What if like Mary ( Jesus's Mother) this is the beginning of carrying the miraculous and letting go of every plan we had in mind for our lives...

What if like the disciples this is the time to not just preach the sermons we've heard from Jesus ( in this case from our Pastors and church leaders) over the years but more so to live them out...

What if like Simon Peter the question we all need to answer Jesus is,"do we love Him?"

What if like Elijah this is the time to call down fire from heaven on behalf of our nation...

What if like the woman with the issue of blood this is the time to fight for our survival no matter what it takes...

What if like Joseph (Mary's husband) this is the time to trust that God's will is worth the pursuit
even when we feel thrown off completely...

What if!
What if!
What if!
What if this is a wake up call from getting used to life as normal,
What if this is a reminder that life is in the things we perceive as little
What if like Jesus, this is the time to say,"not my will Father, but your will be done! "
What if what's going on through your mind right now is God’s leading...

( In a soft tone)
What if
What if, is something we all need to figure out...

Signed,
Winnie Doxa.

SIGH!

It happened too fast,
We had just met, I liked the way he smiled at me.
I liked being around him.
He told me I was the best thing that has ever happened to him
He told me he can't wait to make me his woman,
He told me all those things that give you butterflies...
And also,
He said, I make his world go around,
Imagine! I believe it...
Lol!

I wasn't very sure about him,
Everything physical looked like exactly what I wanted,
When he opened his mouth I could tell that He is smitten
Yet, I knew he hadn't given his life to Christ
How could he know so much about a God he never encountered?
I was awed,
A battle between what I wanted and what I prayed for begun in me.

It happened so fast,
Before I knew it,
We were out on dates,
We spent a lot of time chatting and calling each other.
It seemed like a dream come true,
The battle still continued and my flesh took the crown.
I couldn't imagine letting him go...

One day he was unwell,
I had to go and visit him at his place,
I cared for him,
And with time he recovered,
I still went to visit him,
Not knowing I was trapping myself...
It was a Sunday afternoon,
I had just come from church,
Passed by his place and before I knew it
I found myself in his bed.
How did this happen?

It happened so fast,
I felt so guilty, I felt I had betrayed my faith
I wondered if the church would accept me.
He was sorry, of course! And said whatever happened we are in it together,
I left and took sometime away from him to talk to myself,
Then I noticed I missed my periods...
Yes, I got pregnant...

It happened so fast,
How could I be so foolish,
The condemning voices begun,
I stopped going to church,
I had no friends from church,
My "prince charming"also left me
I was surely the award winning sinner of that time...
And in the midst of all that,
I had to find some little faith in me to keep me going!

So,
" It happened so fast,"
Is a statement I don't take lightly nowadays,
It reminds me of my brokenness, my vulnerability,
My lack of patience on waiting on God's promises for me.
And most importantly it also reminds me of
God's grace, love, mercy, patience and goodness.
My heart goes out to people like me who found themselves in spaces they never imagined because,
It happened so fast...

May God sustain you,
May you realize this is not the end of your story...
Praying Isaiah 54 over your life!

Nowadays,
I am learning to really slow down in the decisions and choices I make, because,
It happened too fast is a lesson I live with.

Signed,
Winnie Doxa.

Inspired by true life experiences...From the collection >>> #HeTookMeThrough!