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MARRY ME AGAIN!

Dear God,

I don’t know exactly what to say, but first, I want to say, I’m sorry.

I am sorry that I let you down after all You’ve taken me through

I am sorry I fall short...

I am sorry I didn’t pay attention to You again and this time,

I got hurt real bad!!!

My deep desire to be hooked up with him overshadowed Your will,

Oh, how many times did You warn me!

How many times did You ask me to run but I kept drawing closer to him,

And the closer I got,

The more I forgot who I truly am.

I was lost,

Lost in his arms that gave me a false sense of security

His words, that began tearing me down bit by bit,

Suddenly, I wasn’t good enough for him,

I needed to add a litle this or that,

I needed to look a certain way to fill up his fantacy

How many times did You ask me to let him go

But, but I stayed,

Because,I was determined to work things out anyway,

You know…

And nothing would change my mind…

How stubborn I was!

How can a girl like me, a “church girl”, be caught up in the arms of this kind of a man?

But do I blame You?

Of course not!

I blame myself, because I tried to create love out of lust

I tried to raise a man to fit into my ideal…

I lowered my standards, just a little bit, to have him fit in

And it seemed okay,

After all, we are “both Christians”, so it’s not that bad…

Little did I know I was drifting away from You,

How possibly could he be my covering,

When he was not intentional about being covered by You?

How could he be a refuge with his eyes all over the place

How I hate how insecure he made me feel…

How could he die daily to love me,

And loathe The one who died for him?

It’s over!

It is over!!!

I choose to let go of him and memories I carry of

My “prince charming”

Or so I thought…

I believe I deserve better…

I know I’m not the best,

But I am more determined now, more than ever,

Not to settle for less than what You have for me

I was so foolish in love,

Man!

Thank You for loving me jealously enough, to,

Not allow me to say, “I do” to him, too.

Allow me to renew my vows tonight,

I am sorry I cheated on you God,

I am sorry I hurt Your feelings again,

I will not promise I’ll always make You smile

But I vow to love You deeper than before

As my Helper helps me,

Because I love the human You transform me into daily,

I love the way You love me.

Please help me to wait for him joyfully,

And Protect me from all snares and traps,

Because I know, he is worth the wait!

Will You, Marry me again?

Signed,

Winnie Doxa.

“When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins…”