I NEVER THOUGHT...

TRAPPED!

She was my dream girl,

A rare gem

With beauty to behold!

I liked her, but I wasn’t really sure if she’d date or even go out with me

You see,

I’m a man battling many things,

I was raised by a single mum,

The firstborn male in my family,

I didn’t quite get to campus,

And I’m also trying to figure out this salvation thing

So, I keep serving God as much as I can.

But the truth is, I’m not sure I’m really saved…

It all began when I met her in church,

She was everything you now call, a slay queen.

She was a first time visitor and I must admit, I was smitten

Being the youth Pastor,

I later followed her up with a call for welcoming first time visitors,

You know…

And one call, led to another and before I realized,

We were chatting frequently, having long conversations…

But hey!

What’s wrong with just, “Pastoring ?“

I didn’t notice I was slowly falling into her trap…

She was so tactful,

She made sure my mind was fully engaged with her,

Her photos on instagram…

Oh man!

Irresistible!

Though she showed off some skin,

Well, actually a lot.

I just found myself liking them and even commenting,

“Girl, you’ve put me on fire”

I was trapped,

And I fell in,

How I found myself in her bed, I can’t quite explain…

It happened once, twice and many more times.

She had taken me over with her deception.

I didn’t know I was digging my own grave.

When she was done, she dumped me!

I continued to serve God with my guilt, anger and bitterness.

No one will ever know I committed this sin.

I’ll just move on like nothing happened.

I didn’t realize that those sexual encounters with her were turning me into the man I never thought I would become.

I began living recklessly

Taking advantage of every girl that came my way

Young, old, same age, anyone ready and willing to lay in bed with me, would have it.

After all, I got great looks, who would say no?

I turned into a beast,

Not realizing that I was hurting someone’s daughter, someone’s sister, someone’s marriage…

And the worst part, is that,

I never realized, I was hurting me more!

Who have I become?

Tell me, who I’m I?

When did my conscience die?

When did I stop realizing that God is still watching?

I’ve lost her too,

The one who genuinely loved me.

Because all I knew was to take advantage of people,

To use and abuse them, then dump them as soon I was done

I need deliverance!

I need healing!

I need restoration!

I need forgiveness! 

And maybe this will take me a lifetime…

Can’t you all see that I’m a wounded man!

Trapped in sexual cycles,

Battling my other insecurities,

Hiding in the Christian circles to make me feel a little good about me.

But hey!

Man or woman,

You don’t have to end up in this kind of mess,

Please beware of the traps,

Learn from my story!

The struggle is real!

I’m slowly and surely losing it.

Pray for me!

By

Winnie Doxa. 

Winnie Doxa - I Pray For You (Spoken word)

TO ALL MOTHERS!

We make her #MyMum! Do funny things sometimes...So, on behalf of all of us, myself and you. Here's #to #all #mothers.

You sure do make our world a better place.
You show up when we are in our deepest need.
'You explain dad to us and explain us to Him'
You are clothed with strength and dignity
Even when you feel weak, you wear that mask( a smile) that holds us all together
You have understood that you are a pillar in our lives
And your strength keeps us going

You are gentle, very gentle
Yet when you roar,
We all submit
Mama you are powerful,
So powerful that when you cry,
Heavens deafens to daddy's prayers
You know when to speak
You know when to be silent,
You know when to make a move
You know when to stay still.

Mama,
You are our voice,
When you call heaven on our behalf answers are assured.
Because you've learnt to make Him ( God) your refuge.
You've learnt to cry to Him and smile at us.
You'll learnt to pour your frustrations to Him and on the other hand you make us feel like conquerors whenever we bring our frustrations to you.
You've learn't to love Him fearlessly and allow Him to love you right back.
And your fearless love for us makes us brave! .

So, dear mama,
I know you are still learning from the eternal Love of your life ( God )
Thank you!
Thank you for teaching us that strength and submission can be displayed in one person
Thank you for daily dying to yourself that we may live.
Thank you for embracing this role that we can never afford to pay you back
Thank you for who you are.
A blessing! A friend! A teacher! .

Mama,
May you find your deepest fulfilment in being you!
God Knows the sacrifices you make,
God sees them,
God cares,
We value and appreciate you today and always.
And like I said,
You make the world a better place!

I know you feel like you have failed us in other things, but even just for birthing us, adopting us, raising us and all you've done for us.
Broken as you are,
We celebrate you!
You are a hero!
Keep on keeping on!
God got you!
With love,
#HappyMothersDay!

Signed,
Winnie Doxa.

#CelebratingAllMothers! #SoHappy! #FearlesslyLoved! #FearlesslyLoving! #LionessArising! #Graced! *smiles*

LOVE ME ANYWAY!

I wish ya'll happy 

                                                       days! 

SHOW LOVE

Sometimes I wonder,

Why parents care for their children,

Sometimes I wonder why others don’t,

Sometimes I wonder why children suffer so much.

Sometimes I wonder why others enjoy life so much.

But one thing I have found similar in them,

Is that, they all love to be loved.

And Jesus said, “Let the children come to me”

He showed them love

So please, show them some love.

Sometimes I wonder,

Why some people are rebellious.

Sometimes I wonder,

Why others are so obedient.

Sometimes I wonder,

Why some siblings hate each other

And yet others get along very well

But one thing I have realised,

They all just need to be loved

When Esau saw Jacob, he embraced him with love

When the prodigal son returned to his father

He received him with love, not judgement.

So please, show them some love.

Sometimes I wonder,

Why some women hate on each other

While others care for themselves,

Sometimes I wonder

Why some are harlots

And others have kept so pure

But I have come to understand,

That they are all looking for love

Some in doing the right thing,

Others in doing the exact opposite.

Ruth cared for Naomi so much

That Naomi swore to walk with her closely, closer than her shadow would.

Rehab was favoured by God

And got married to Hosea, he showed and gave her love

Not judgement.

So please, show them some love.

Sometimes I wonder,

Why some people easily lose direction

While others are always focused.

Sometimes I wonder,

Why some people walk the journey of life alone

While others have someone holding their hand.

But then I realised, that they all desire to find love

Timothy found a mentor in Paul

And he instructed him with pure love, not judgement.

The disciples chose to walk with Jesus

And He showed them love even to the shedding of his blood.

I urge you, to show someone love.

Today,

I stand before you like,

A child.

Looking for a place to belong

I stand before you like,

Joseph.

Rejected by my own

I stand before you like,

Rehab.

Trying to find my identity in immorality.

I stand before you like,

Timothy.

I need someone to walk with me.

I stand before you like,

Him, and him, her, her, her too, representing every soul that feels empty inside

Would you please, show me some love?

We have all fallen short of His Glory,

In one way or another.

Jesus walked with the disciples’

Not just because He wanted them to hear Him teach them

But more so, for them to see and feel His love.

He showed them love

Even when He knew that one of them will betray Him.

Kindly show some love

Hakuna mtu hapendeki.

Everyone will remain unlovable until you and I will stop,

And show them some love.

#GodIsLove!  

Signed,

Winnie Doxa.

YOU WILL RISE AGAIN!

Dear God,

I want to say thank you!

Thank You for holding me up!

Many times I felt alone and the enemy kept telling me,

I wasn’t going to make it through…

Through the pain,     

Through my insecurities,

Through the fears,

Through the betrayal,       

Through the hurt.

But You stayed close,

Reminding me everyday that you are in control

That I don’t have to live afraid

That I don’t have to have it figured out,

That I don’t have to feel good enough for You to use me

I don’t have to have Alves and Liana in my friends list, 

To be happy...

Because You are more than enough for me!

In this new chapter of my life,

I choose to break down every wall that pain and hurt created.

I choose to dare to trust again

I choose to dare to be vulnerable again

Because more than I want to live safe,

I want to live bold,

I want to dare to dream again,

Because You dared to die for me!

And if I’ll ever have to fight fear again,

I’ll fight hard, knowing that even now,

You are still with me!

I’ll #RiseAgain!

Signed

Winnie Doxa

FOUND...

MARRY ME AGAIN!

Dear God,

I don’t know exactly what to say, but first, I want to say, I’m sorry.

I am sorry that I let you down after all You’ve taken me through

I am sorry I fall short...

I am sorry I didn’t pay attention to You again and this time,

I got hurt real bad!!!

My deep desire to be hooked up with him overshadowed Your will,

Oh, how many times did You warn me!

How many times did You ask me to run but I kept drawing closer to him,

And the closer I got,

The more I forgot who I truly am.

I was lost,

Lost in his arms that gave me a false sense of security

His words, that began tearing me down bit by bit,

Suddenly, I wasn’t good enough for him,

I needed to add a litle this or that,

I needed to look a certain way to fill up his fantacy

How many times did You ask me to let him go

But, but I stayed,

Because,I was determined to work things out anyway,

You know…

And nothing would change my mind…

How stubborn I was!

How can a girl like me, a “church girl”, be caught up in the arms of this kind of a man?

But do I blame You?

Of course not!

I blame myself, because I tried to create love out of lust

I tried to raise a man to fit into my ideal…

I lowered my standards, just a little bit, to have him fit in

And it seemed okay,

After all, we are “both Christians”, so it’s not that bad…

Little did I know I was drifting away from You,

How possibly could he be my covering,

When he was not intentional about being covered by You?

How could he be a refuge with his eyes all over the place

How I hate how insecure he made me feel…

How could he die daily to love me,

And loathe The one who died for him?

It’s over!

It is over!!!

I choose to let go of him and memories I carry of

My “prince charming”

Or so I thought…

I believe I deserve better…

I know I’m not the best,

But I am more determined now, more than ever,

Not to settle for less than what You have for me

I was so foolish in love,

Man!

Thank You for loving me jealously enough, to,

Not allow me to say, “I do” to him, too.

Allow me to renew my vows tonight,

I am sorry I cheated on you God,

I am sorry I hurt Your feelings again,

I will not promise I’ll always make You smile

But I vow to love You deeper than before

As my Helper helps me,

Because I love the human You transform me into daily,

I love the way You love me.

Please help me to wait for him joyfully,

And Protect me from all snares and traps,

Because I know, he is worth the wait!

Will You, Marry me again?

Signed,

Winnie Doxa.

“When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins…”

HEY, HANG IN THERE!

To you who thinks it’s not worth the faith. Hang in there,God has a word for you…

I WILL BLESS YOU! 

I can feel your pain

I have seen the sleepless nights you've spent seeking my face.

I have seen the countless teardrops

My child,do not relent.

For though sorrows may come in the night

My Joy will overflow in the morning.

For...

I will bless you! 

I know your struggles.

I know the tireless effort you make 

I know you are working tired.

My dear,do not relent

I who sees the good work you do

Will surely reward you.

I will bless you!

Don't  give up on me

Don't doubt my ability to see you through

For whoever doubts,is like a wave of the sea that is driven 

And tossed by the wind.

For once in your life,

For that particular thing,

I want you to believe.

For...

I will bless you!

Listen,

"Follow my decrees and be careful to obey my laws.

Do not let this book of the law depart from your mouth,

Meditate on it day and night,

So that you may be careful to do everything written in it.

Then,you will be prosperous and successful.

For...

I will bless you."

Now,you got to believe this,

Like Abraham,

"I will make you into a great nation and I will bless you.

I will make your name great and you will be a blessing" 

Somebody say, amen!

"I will bless those who bless you! 

And whoever curses you,I will curse.

And all people on earth will be blessed through you."

Say with me,

I am blessed to be a blessing! 

And like David,when things don't seem to work my way,

I will get on my knees and say...

Psalms 121.

He will bless you! 

By 

Winnie Doxa