SIGH!

It happened too fast,
We had just met, I liked the way he smiled at me.
I liked being around him.
He told me I was the best thing that has ever happened to him
He told me he can't wait to make me his woman,
He told me all those things that give you butterflies...
And also,
He said, I make his world go around,
Imagine! I believe it...
Lol!

I wasn't very sure about him,
Everything physical looked like exactly what I wanted,
When he opened his mouth I could tell that He is smitten
Yet, I knew he hadn't given his life to Christ
How could he know so much about a God he never encountered?
I was awed,
A battle between what I wanted and what I prayed for begun in me.

It happened so fast,
Before I knew it,
We were out on dates,
We spent a lot of time chatting and calling each other.
It seemed like a dream come true,
The battle still continued and my flesh took the crown.
I couldn't imagine letting him go...

One day he was unwell,
I had to go and visit him at his place,
I cared for him,
And with time he recovered,
I still went to visit him,
Not knowing I was trapping myself...
It was a Sunday afternoon,
I had just come from church,
Passed by his place and before I knew it
I found myself in his bed.
How did this happen?

It happened so fast,
I felt so guilty, I felt I had betrayed my faith
I wondered if the church would accept me.
He was sorry, of course! And said whatever happened we are in it together,
I left and took sometime away from him to talk to myself,
Then I noticed I missed my periods...
Yes, I got pregnant...

It happened so fast,
How could I be so foolish,
The condemning voices begun,
I stopped going to church,
I had no friends from church,
My "prince charming"also left me
I was surely the award winning sinner of that time...
And in the midst of all that,
I had to find some little faith in me to keep me going!

So,
" It happened so fast,"
Is a statement I don't take lightly nowadays,
It reminds me of my brokenness, my vulnerability,
My lack of patience on waiting on God's promises for me.
And most importantly it also reminds me of
God's grace, love, mercy, patience and goodness.
My heart goes out to people like me who found themselves in spaces they never imagined because,
It happened so fast...

May God sustain you,
May you realize this is not the end of your story...
Praying Isaiah 54 over your life!

Nowadays,
I am learning to really slow down in the decisions and choices I make, because,
It happened too fast is a lesson I live with.

Signed,
Winnie Doxa.

Inspired by true life experiences...From the collection >>> #HeTookMeThrough! 

Overcomer You Are!

#OvercomerYouAre!

So,
I thought you would break me,
Not so much because you have the power to
But because you had mastered how to put me down
I began the year heart broken
I felt like life lost meaning
Forgetting that my worth cannot be tagged along who stays and who leaves....

I thought you would break me,

Because just when I thought I was getting healed, you sorrounded me with sorrow after sorrow...
While they were on parte after... 

I lost a relative who was more like a mother to me.
Then, another relative's home got burnt down
It felt like a thriller movie.
Before I could  recover,
We lost yet another relative, and another
and another...
I felt like I would lose my mind, literally!
I stopped telling people about it,
I was tired of explaining how.
The thought, 'Where is your God' was the playback in my mind.
He was still there...

I thought you would break me,
Because just when I thought I had lost enough,
I found myself looking for a place to stay, again!
Because I got evicted without notice...
My mind at this point wasn't functioning very well,
I felt extremely overwhelmed, I felt lost, I felt alone.
How can life become so cruel?
I wondered,
Anyway, I chose to breathe and sigh deeply.
As words couldn't describe how I felt.

I thought you ( 2019) would break me,
Because I had to make really tough decisions concerning my destiny.
Looking back, I am thankful to God that I met you.
I realized that you didn't have that power unless I gave it to you.
I realized that you were strengthening me
I realized you were shaping me,
Because now, more than ever,
I deeply emphasize with anyone going through loss
I haven't mastered it, as I reckon I can't,
But my perspective is definitely changed.

Thank you again
For showing me what I am really made of
For teaching me to find joy in the storms 
To filter negative vibes and focus on what builds   me up.
To find peace in chaos
To find God in silence
To find purposes in pain
And most importantly not to lose myself in pity party.
I am now looking forward to 2020 with my swords on.
I have to let you go 2019,
So, I forgave, forgave and forgave more
I can't carry you with me, though rest assured, I'll carry the lessons with me.

Happy new year!!!
May you rise above every obstacle realizing that He who is in you is greater than the one in the world.

Inspired by true life experiences.
From the collection...#HeTookMeThrough!

Signed,
Winnie Doxa.